Needful Things

Last night was yet another difficult night for me because due to some unknown reason I've been having severe back pain while sleeping therefore, I get very little of it. So this morning getting up earlier than I usually do, I headed for the coffee pot that had just started brewing. My husband, always awake before me, lovingly makes the coffee so it's ready when I need it. This particular morning I knew that I would require a strong shot to get on my way, so I stopped the brewing process to add more grounds. My husband looked at me with bewilderment and asked what I was doing. I told him, "I need it stronger". He rolled his eyes a bit and started to walk away. Admittedly I became trite with a martyrdom attitude and said, "never mind, it's fine". Then I started to walk away (see a pattern here). He then walks toward the pot with sigh, to add more of what I desired.

The morning went on without much said, then from silence to 60 a "discussion" ensued. He left the house, I got the kids to school, then the phone rang. Obvious that 60 wasn't enough, the discussion was forced to accelerate. I of course didn't see where my shortcomings were since I just wanted stronger coffee, but something was said during that "discussion" that brought this freight train to a screeching halt, and I heard it, louder than my ears could stand the intensity.

He said, "well, it just doesn't seem like you appreciate me making coffee for you".

OUCH! Yep, I heard it. Within that sentence were multitudes of emotions. Not appreciating him; his actions weren't good enough; expectations of perfection,......and on & on,.....
I felt the sting, but it wasn't mine. I just caused it.

We women like to claim the emotional needs card in the marriage game, but rarely recognize that men have emotional needs that are just as important. Women tend to think that the physical needs of men are first and foremost, forgetting or not even acknowledging that men even have emotional needs. What's interesting is men do communicate emotional needs often however, it is communicated in a language that we women just don't seem to understand.

Intimacy must happen in all forms of communication. Understanding the language can be a challenge, but it is attainable by staying in the moment.

So the next time you find yourself in a "discussion", listen to the language. Then ask yourself, what's being communicated here? You might actually discover those needful things that are so important and necessary to each and everyone of us.

Have an intimate day!

Jennifer

The Importance Of "Me Time"

Years ago, I had a good friend tell me that she and her husband gives each other "me time". I was curious about that concept and had her explain in detail. Basically, they gave each other one night a week that they could spend however they wanted. It was a few hours they could get away from the pressure and responsibilities of everyday life. My friend told me she would make herself leave the house, if just to take a walk in the park, or watch a movie by herself. It allowed them the "me time" we all deserve.

When I wanted to incorporate this concept in my life, my children were less than receptive. I told them a great piece of advice my aunt gave me once. "kids, it's important for mommy to have time to herself, because as important as your needs are to me, my needs are important too. Mommy,....is important too."

It is one of the best lesson I hope to instill in my children. That once they grow and have a family of their own, their needs, interests, goals and dreams don't have to end. That they can still be an "individual" without having to loose themselves in the "family".

Husbands need that, wives need that, and children need that as well. If a child has siblings, they too need time as an individual. They need quiet time to themselves, away from the pressures inside and outside of the home. As their needs and identities change over the years, parents and siblings should support these changes and allow the "individual" to blossom.

Having a family doesn't mean having to be just a family member.........

We all deserve time to just be......."me".

Have an intimate day!

Jennifer