Acceptance = FREEDOM

So I hope I had you all wondering about the follow up to the "Clarity" post I wrote recently. If you're just stopping by to this site, you might want to read Clarity, before going any further.

Onto the story!

A few nights after my trampoline escapade, my husband & I were sitting on the couch after a long day of yard work was put in. All the children were tucked nicely in their beds, sound asleep. I was catching up on my emails when I looked over at my husband who was staring at me. He had this ornery expression on his face that I've seen before & I wasn't certain if I should ask the question. But being the attentive wife, I submitted. "What"? I asked, with a 1/2 smirk on my face. His eyes twinkled at my curiosity.

"Why don't we go out to the trampoline and jump around naked"? I looked at him, trying to stifle the smirk.
"Seriously", he said, grabbing my arm pulling me out from my chair.

Now, I have not been with this man long, but long enough to know that when he gets an idea in his head he almost always follows through with determination. I've tried to fight it, but lose 100% of the time. Reluctantly I stood with a bellowing sigh watching him disrobe. He couldn't get his clothes off fast enough, gleaming with pride as if he had just won the fight of his life.

"Come on", he said as I stood there motionless. All I could think about was my flabby, saggy body and how this image would be forever burned into my husband's memory. Even though my husband had seen me countless times in the buff, I couldn't help but think,...this can't be good.

"Well, come on", he said again, snapping me out of the dreadful images of my flopping body parts flailing around on the trampoline.....

In case you were wondering, yes there was a reasonable amount of liquid courage consumed by us both, which is probably the only reason I finally started stripping off my garments.

So there we were naked, and he couldn't get to the door fast enough with me trailing behind. As he approached the door to the outside deck wildly pulling it opened, he turned to see if I was still behind him. The excitement & inertia of his body kept moving forward through the door not realizing that the sliding screen door was still closed. My lanky 6'2'' husband rammed right through the screen knocking it off the tracks sending it flying onto the deck with a loud crash. Of course you couldn't hear the crash through the shrieking laughter from my gut, but I assure you it was quite a commotion. At this point we could barely walk to the trampoline due to the intense laughter. Our bodies were doubled over in tears as we both could hardly breathe, yet with some stroke of luck we made it. Off the deck, through the cool grass and up onto the canvas we went.

Jumping together still reeling from the screen door, our laughter became in sync with each other. He'd go left, I'd bounce right and sometimes we'd meet in the middle ricocheting off each other. I can honestly search my memory and claim that this was unlike anything I have ever experienced before. This wasn't anything at all like child's play. No,.....this was grown up play! Never once did I think about the negative image I would be placing in my husbands mind. Never did I think of my flab, sag or childbearing body. This was true intimacy,.....in it's purest form. An intimacy that was beyond physical or emotional. This was an intimacy I never knew existed.

The evening eventually came to and end ultimately laughing ourselves to sleep, but in that moment I was released from a self damaging notion of acceptance,...........

and the freedom is glorious!


Have an intimate day!

Jennifer

Needful Things

Last night was yet another difficult night for me because due to some unknown reason I've been having severe back pain while sleeping therefore, I get very little of it. So this morning getting up earlier than I usually do, I headed for the coffee pot that had just started brewing. My husband, always awake before me, lovingly makes the coffee so it's ready when I need it. This particular morning I knew that I would require a strong shot to get on my way, so I stopped the brewing process to add more grounds. My husband looked at me with bewilderment and asked what I was doing. I told him, "I need it stronger". He rolled his eyes a bit and started to walk away. Admittedly I became trite with a martyrdom attitude and said, "never mind, it's fine". Then I started to walk away (see a pattern here). He then walks toward the pot with sigh, to add more of what I desired.

The morning went on without much said, then from silence to 60 a "discussion" ensued. He left the house, I got the kids to school, then the phone rang. Obvious that 60 wasn't enough, the discussion was forced to accelerate. I of course didn't see where my shortcomings were since I just wanted stronger coffee, but something was said during that "discussion" that brought this freight train to a screeching halt, and I heard it, louder than my ears could stand the intensity.

He said, "well, it just doesn't seem like you appreciate me making coffee for you".

OUCH! Yep, I heard it. Within that sentence were multitudes of emotions. Not appreciating him; his actions weren't good enough; expectations of perfection,......and on & on,.....
I felt the sting, but it wasn't mine. I just caused it.

We women like to claim the emotional needs card in the marriage game, but rarely recognize that men have emotional needs that are just as important. Women tend to think that the physical needs of men are first and foremost, forgetting or not even acknowledging that men even have emotional needs. What's interesting is men do communicate emotional needs often however, it is communicated in a language that we women just don't seem to understand.

Intimacy must happen in all forms of communication. Understanding the language can be a challenge, but it is attainable by staying in the moment.

So the next time you find yourself in a "discussion", listen to the language. Then ask yourself, what's being communicated here? You might actually discover those needful things that are so important and necessary to each and everyone of us.

Have an intimate day!

Jennifer

What's Your Love Language?

When my husband and I were dating (and I say that loosely since we had a long distance relationship), our "dating" consisted of a ritual nightly telephone call, where we developed a beautiful non-physical intimate relationship.

I had just bought the book "The Five Love Languages", by Gary Chapman suggesting to my new beau that he do the same. We decided to read a chapter daily, then discuss each chapter in our nightly phone conversations.

What we learned was that each of us have a "love language", and a very important "love tank" that needs to be filled. Just as an automobile needs a full tank of gasoline to run, every human needs their love tank filled.

There are 5 love languages described in the book:

* Words of Affirmation
* Quality Time
* Receiving Gifts
* Acts of Service
* Physical Touch

Now you may read those and automatically think you know what your love language is, and you may be right as I thought I knew what my love language was. Until I read the book! I wasn't far off on my choice, but I found that my true love language was not what I thought.

I also realized that my children have love languages too, and I had been way off on knowing what they were, and keeping their "love tank" full!


This book was a blessing to me, not only because I learned a deeper detail of myself, but it allows me to communicate with my husband and children on a level of intimacy that I wouldn't have been able to other wise. It also has given my husband and I some authority to hold each other accountable in our "love tank" maintenance. Just as an automobile needs maintenance to run properly, we too need maintenance to run properly.

If your curious (and you should be) about your "love language", I highly recommend the read. You can purchase the book right here by scrolling down the bottom of the page to "Books I Love". You can click right on "The Five Love Languages", and it will take to to the purchasing options.

I do hope you take this book into consideration. I think you'll find a different "language" in all of your intimate relationships!

Have an intimate day!

Jennifer

Date Night: A must have in a marriage!

I was thrilled when I met my husband, but was not thrilled about having a long distance relationship. Our dating regimen was a nightly phone conversation that didn't even happen until all our children were in bed. When we did see each other in person, our children also accompanied us making it difficult to have "alone time". This bonding routine ultimately did allow us to connect on a more intimate verbal level however, I vowed that once we were married we WERE going to have a "date night" once a week to make up for our non-traditional dating. He agreed willingly and we have never missed a "date night" since.

I cannot stress enough the importance of a couple, whether married 1 year or 50, to have that "alone time" with each other. Date night should be a commitment where nothing is more important that disrupts a partners quality time together. Once a regular date night is established, over a short period of time each individual desires that time with their spouse in turn making this event sacred in a marriage!

What are some of the best "date nights" you have had with your partner?

Have an intimate day!

Jennifer