Time Out or Tough Love?

I have spent most of my career as a Psychiatric nurse studying a menagerie of diagnoses, disorders and addictions. I used to believe in these labels hung on individuals for justifying their behavior or poor choices. Recently however, I’m being challenged in these labels. I believe our culture is witnessing a generation of children growing to believe that their behavior can always be justified in one way or another. This country has lost the ability to raise our children with accountability, and in my opinion it started with the “time out” phenomena. Don’t get me wrong, plopping my kid into a chair to sit and think about their actions has worked on occasion, especially when they were at a young age. The problem is the complacency I see with parents as that child grows older, from the tween to teen years, something is missing.

Ok, here it goes. It’s the statement that proves I’ve become my mother: when I was growing up, you did what you were told or there would be serious consequences. I remember when the tough love theory worked on our youth. I should know, I grew up when that concept came about, along with President Regan, say no to drugs, and mothers against drunk driving. Just think about these concepts for a minute. They're still thriving, and have changed the way our culture thinks and feels about drugs or drinking & driving. Laws have even been implemented from these concepts, and thousands of lives have been saved due to their cause.

So where did the tough love go?

Let’s face it parents, life is tough. It’s only going to get tougher for our children.

I feel confident that when my kids turn 16 and gets their first job, their boss isn’t going to throw therapeutic comments at them when they’re not doing what’s expected. I can’t really hear the manager saying, “It appears your having a hard time right now keeping up, would you like to tell me what might be going on?”

I’m about all tapped out on therapeutic communication, and listening & reading from the “professionals”, the best methods for raising our children.

Now days if a child is defiant, he gets diagnoses of Oppositional Defiance Disorder. So wait, there’s a diagnoses for being defiant? Hell, I got the back of my mother’s hand if I was defiant! I never saw it as abuse. I knew I deserved it!

Our children have the right these days to file charges against their parents if a finger is laid on them. We have therapists telling parents to let our kids have a certain amount of control in their lives, but it has resulted in parents losing control of order in the home.

When are parents going to trust their abilities on raising their children based on tried & true values of the past? Respect, manners, honor, pride …


Tough love

It just may be the best therapy for our children!

Have an intimate day!
Jennifer

Sing It With Me!....

"It's the most wonderful time of the year"........
I know, it's not Christmas time, but it IS, kids' going back to school time! Yes, I admit, I've been carrying that tune around for days. Yet as I sing it with joy, I feel a myriad of other emotions.

Fear & excitement!

"Fear & excitement", what a pair. Fear about the unknown, and excitement for what is to come.

As adults, we have already experienced these emotions before the new school year, but for children, these feelings can be overwhelming. Parents can tell them until there blue in the face, that everything will be OK, but deep down inside, we don't know do we? We cross our fingers hoping that everyday they come off the bus, they'll have a positive experience at school. That every day, they'll understand their homework and get straight "A's"or that they'll be the popular child that never gets picked on. When in reality, we know that's not always going to happen. Parents can make themselves crazy with worry about our children's well being while there away from us.

If you have seen the movie "Finding Nemo" (if you haven't, you need to watch it), Dora, and Marlin were caught in the whales mouth. The two were in a position where they were just about to fall into the whales stomach, holding on desperately. Dora sensed that the whale wanted her to "let go", but Marlin wasn't about to. When Dora pleaded for Marlin to "let go", Marlin exclaimed, "how do you know something bad isn't going to happen"? The most poignant statement was made by Dora,......."I don't", and she let go.

Parents, need to "let go" sometimes. Our children will encounter hard times, and as difficult as it is for parents to observe, that's what "growing" is. All we can do, is be loving and supportive for our children.

So as you send your kiddo's off to school this year, kiss them,....hug them,....and tell them you'll be there, not only when they return from school,.......but always!

Then,.....Let go!

Have an intimate day!

Jennifer