Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Acceptance = FREEDOM

So I hope I had you all wondering about the follow up to the "Clarity" post I wrote recently. If you're just stopping by to this site, you might want to read Clarity, before going any further.

Onto the story!

A few nights after my trampoline escapade, my husband & I were sitting on the couch after a long day of yard work was put in. All the children were tucked nicely in their beds, sound asleep. I was catching up on my emails when I looked over at my husband who was staring at me. He had this ornery expression on his face that I've seen before & I wasn't certain if I should ask the question. But being the attentive wife, I submitted. "What"? I asked, with a 1/2 smirk on my face. His eyes twinkled at my curiosity.

"Why don't we go out to the trampoline and jump around naked"? I looked at him, trying to stifle the smirk.
"Seriously", he said, grabbing my arm pulling me out from my chair.

Now, I have not been with this man long, but long enough to know that when he gets an idea in his head he almost always follows through with determination. I've tried to fight it, but lose 100% of the time. Reluctantly I stood with a bellowing sigh watching him disrobe. He couldn't get his clothes off fast enough, gleaming with pride as if he had just won the fight of his life.

"Come on", he said as I stood there motionless. All I could think about was my flabby, saggy body and how this image would be forever burned into my husband's memory. Even though my husband had seen me countless times in the buff, I couldn't help but think,...this can't be good.

"Well, come on", he said again, snapping me out of the dreadful images of my flopping body parts flailing around on the trampoline.....

In case you were wondering, yes there was a reasonable amount of liquid courage consumed by us both, which is probably the only reason I finally started stripping off my garments.

So there we were naked, and he couldn't get to the door fast enough with me trailing behind. As he approached the door to the outside deck wildly pulling it opened, he turned to see if I was still behind him. The excitement & inertia of his body kept moving forward through the door not realizing that the sliding screen door was still closed. My lanky 6'2'' husband rammed right through the screen knocking it off the tracks sending it flying onto the deck with a loud crash. Of course you couldn't hear the crash through the shrieking laughter from my gut, but I assure you it was quite a commotion. At this point we could barely walk to the trampoline due to the intense laughter. Our bodies were doubled over in tears as we both could hardly breathe, yet with some stroke of luck we made it. Off the deck, through the cool grass and up onto the canvas we went.

Jumping together still reeling from the screen door, our laughter became in sync with each other. He'd go left, I'd bounce right and sometimes we'd meet in the middle ricocheting off each other. I can honestly search my memory and claim that this was unlike anything I have ever experienced before. This wasn't anything at all like child's play. No,.....this was grown up play! Never once did I think about the negative image I would be placing in my husbands mind. Never did I think of my flab, sag or childbearing body. This was true intimacy, it's purest form. An intimacy that was beyond physical or emotional. This was an intimacy I never knew existed.

The evening eventually came to and end ultimately laughing ourselves to sleep, but in that moment I was released from a self damaging notion of acceptance,...........

and the freedom is glorious!

Have an intimate day!


Friday, May 7, 2010

Needful Things

Last night was yet another difficult night for me because due to some unknown reason I've been having severe back pain while sleeping therefore, I get very little of it. So this morning getting up earlier than I usually do, I headed for the coffee pot that had just started brewing. My husband, always awake before me, lovingly makes the coffee so it's ready when I need it. This particular morning I knew that I would require a strong shot to get on my way, so I stopped the brewing process to add more grounds. My husband looked at me with bewilderment and asked what I was doing. I told him, "I need it stronger". He rolled his eyes a bit and started to walk away. Admittedly I became trite with a martyrdom attitude and said, "never mind, it's fine". Then I started to walk away (see a pattern here). He then walks toward the pot with sigh, to add more of what I desired.

The morning went on without much said, then from silence to 60 a "discussion" ensued. He left the house, I got the kids to school, then the phone rang. Obvious that 60 wasn't enough, the discussion was forced to accelerate. I of course didn't see where my shortcomings were since I just wanted stronger coffee, but something was said during that "discussion" that brought this freight train to a screeching halt, and I heard it, louder than my ears could stand the intensity.

He said, "well, it just doesn't seem like you appreciate me making coffee for you".

OUCH! Yep, I heard it. Within that sentence were multitudes of emotions. Not appreciating him; his actions weren't good enough; expectations of perfection,......and on & on,.....
I felt the sting, but it wasn't mine. I just caused it.

We women like to claim the emotional needs card in the marriage game, but rarely recognize that men have emotional needs that are just as important. Women tend to think that the physical needs of men are first and foremost, forgetting or not even acknowledging that men even have emotional needs. What's interesting is men do communicate emotional needs often however, it is communicated in a language that we women just don't seem to understand.

Intimacy must happen in all forms of communication. Understanding the language can be a challenge, but it is attainable by staying in the moment.

So the next time you find yourself in a "discussion", listen to the language. Then ask yourself, what's being communicated here? You might actually discover those needful things that are so important and necessary to each and everyone of us.

Have an intimate day!


Tuesday, May 4, 2010

An Ode to Mother's

Sadly I almost forgot that this weekend is Mother's Day. So instead of writing about the follow up to finding "Clarity" on the trampoline (and believe me, I have a whopper of a story to that one), I knew I had to write about the most endearing creature to walk the earth. MOMS.

Now before I pay such tribute to moms , please know that there are many fathers out there who have had to take a mothers place for untimely reasons, and I hold them in the very highest of regards, because being a mom, is truly the hardest job there is. But that post will come for Father's Day.

Back to "the mom".

There have been millions of words to describe a mother's love through the years. All you have to do is walk into a card store a month before the date and your swallowed up in sappy mush. But have you ever really thought about the actions of a mother?

The mother carries a life within her, enduring all the joys and discomforts a growing baby offers. Although there may be moments of weakness she stays in motion, desperate to see the face that she had been dreaming of for a lifetime. For 9 months she sacrifices so many of her own needs, knowing full well that the sacrifices, are lifelong.

The joyful day arrives when that life is brought into the world. The pain that had consumed her body, fades in seconds as she holds her child for the first time.

Days,..... months,.... even years pass and the mom, fixes the lunches, mends holes in the clothes & the hearts of a hurt child. Simple kisses can miraculously erase wounds from the playground bully. Closet monsters are destroyed by a simple spray bottle filled with magic potion, (otherwise known as water). Mothers even have strength of a million men should anyone try to harm her child. And the best part of all,.....mothers have intuition. It is a gift unlike any other. The ability to be so connected to her child, that she knows,.......even if her child is grown,......she knows, she feels,............when something isn't right. And she'll call you on it every time.

That's a mom. Brilliant, inventive, loving, captivating,..........there just aren't enough adjectives, or enough room on this page,....or enough time in our lives to express how glorious mothers are.

Sure, moms aren't perfect,......we'll be the first to admit it. How often we let our children down, we could be spending more time with them,.....we "shoulda did this" or "coulda done that",....we'll beat ourselves until our last breath, knowing that we could have loved our children more.

And isn't that just like a Mom?

Only when we as children grow to experience our own children, do we have any concept of what "mom" has done for us.

This week,.....honor your mom. In life or in death; emulate the values, the gifts, the joy, the love, the humility, and the grace..... that ONLY a mother could with your own family. You don't however, have to have children or physically be a "mom" to honor her in these acts. You do it, in your everyday events. And by all means honor, respect, love......on the one day that's set aside, just for her!

With all my heart & soul...........


Have an intimate day!