Sunday, August 30, 2009

What's Your Love Language?

When my husband and I were dating (and I say that loosely since we had a long distance relationship), our "dating" consisted of a ritual nightly telephone call, where we developed a beautiful non-physical intimate relationship.

I had just bought the book "The Five Love Languages", by Gary Chapman suggesting to my new beau that he do the same. We decided to read a chapter daily, then discuss each chapter in our nightly phone conversations.

What we learned was that each of us have a "love language", and a very important "love tank" that needs to be filled. Just as an automobile needs a full tank of gasoline to run, every human needs their love tank filled.

There are 5 love languages described in the book:

* Words of Affirmation
* Quality Time
* Receiving Gifts
* Acts of Service
* Physical Touch

Now you may read those and automatically think you know what your love language is, and you may be right as I thought I knew what my love language was. Until I read the book! I wasn't far off on my choice, but I found that my true love language was not what I thought.

I also realized that my children have love languages too, and I had been way off on knowing what they were, and keeping their "love tank" full!

This book was a blessing to me, not only because I learned a deeper detail of myself, but it allows me to communicate with my husband and children on a level of intimacy that I wouldn't have been able to other wise. It also has given my husband and I some authority to hold each other accountable in our "love tank" maintenance. Just as an automobile needs maintenance to run properly, we too need maintenance to run properly.

If your curious (and you should be) about your "love language", I highly recommend the read. You can purchase the book right here by scrolling down the bottom of the page to "Books I Love". You can click right on "The Five Love Languages", and it will take to to the purchasing options.

I do hope you take this book into consideration. I think you'll find a different "language" in all of your intimate relationships!

Have an intimate day!


Monday, August 24, 2009

Treat The Cause!

I recently left my job as a prison nurse, working with psychotic inmates. As interesting as my days were, I've been directed to seek other interests in my career. I do however, reflect on the experience I've gained working in a prison. Recently, I was thinking about a question I had asked the medical director on the psychiatric unit. "Are we just treating the symptoms of these people, or are we treating the cause?"

Americans are so guilty of the "I want it now", "quick fix" mentality, that we've succumbed to masking the overall symptoms of fear, stress, anxiety, sadness, and anger, that we forget or become numb to the underlying cause of these symptoms.

My husband tells me that I can be so discontent at times, and as that comment frustrates and enrages me, I have to wonder, am I just treating my own symptoms, without ever dealing with the cause? Then the "Ahaa" moment hit me. In all living situations we want to suppress the symptoms so that we don't have to deal with the underlying cause. We take a pill, take a drink, take in a hurtful statement, and act on hurtful emotions just so we won't have to face what festers deep with in us.

Fear, worry, regret, guilt; we all have it. Whether 5 years old or 50, the symptoms exist. All that is human converts and abides by "symptoms", while very few actually understand that there is a cause behind it.

My friends, this site is about intimacy. If you are married, single, have siblings, parents or have children, stop treating, or reacting to symptoms. Instead,.....treat the cause.

Start asking questions either of yourself or others:

Why would they do such a thing?

Wow, they sure are in a bad mood.

Why am I so emotional?

Why can't I just be happy?

You get the point.

Hopefully this topic will invoke a response to dig deeper into your "symptoms", and allow you to further investigate the underlying causes that may be preventing a more intimate life with others.

Have an intimate day!


Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Sing It With Me!....

"It's the most wonderful time of the year"........
I know, it's not Christmas time, but it IS, kids' going back to school time! Yes, I admit, I've been carrying that tune around for days. Yet as I sing it with joy, I feel a myriad of other emotions.

Fear & excitement!

"Fear & excitement", what a pair. Fear about the unknown, and excitement for what is to come.

As adults, we have already experienced these emotions before the new school year, but for children, these feelings can be overwhelming. Parents can tell them until there blue in the face, that everything will be OK, but deep down inside, we don't know do we? We cross our fingers hoping that everyday they come off the bus, they'll have a positive experience at school. That every day, they'll understand their homework and get straight "A's"or that they'll be the popular child that never gets picked on. When in reality, we know that's not always going to happen. Parents can make themselves crazy with worry about our children's well being while there away from us.

If you have seen the movie "Finding Nemo" (if you haven't, you need to watch it), Dora, and Marlin were caught in the whales mouth. The two were in a position where they were just about to fall into the whales stomach, holding on desperately. Dora sensed that the whale wanted her to "let go", but Marlin wasn't about to. When Dora pleaded for Marlin to "let go", Marlin exclaimed, "how do you know something bad isn't going to happen"? The most poignant statement was made by Dora,......."I don't", and she let go.

Parents, need to "let go" sometimes. Our children will encounter hard times, and as difficult as it is for parents to observe, that's what "growing" is. All we can do, is be loving and supportive for our children.

So as you send your kiddo's off to school this year, kiss them,....hug them,....and tell them you'll be there, not only when they return from school,.......but always!

Then,.....Let go!

Have an intimate day!


Monday, August 10, 2009

The Importance Of "Me Time"

Years ago, I had a good friend tell me that she and her husband gives each other "me time". I was curious about that concept and had her explain in detail. Basically, they gave each other one night a week that they could spend however they wanted. It was a few hours they could get away from the pressure and responsibilities of everyday life. My friend told me she would make herself leave the house, if just to take a walk in the park, or watch a movie by herself. It allowed them the "me time" we all deserve.

When I wanted to incorporate this concept in my life, my children were less than receptive. I told them a great piece of advice my aunt gave me once. "kids, it's important for mommy to have time to herself, because as important as your needs are to me, my needs are important too. Mommy, important too."

It is one of the best lesson I hope to instill in my children. That once they grow and have a family of their own, their needs, interests, goals and dreams don't have to end. That they can still be an "individual" without having to loose themselves in the "family".

Husbands need that, wives need that, and children need that as well. If a child has siblings, they too need time as an individual. They need quiet time to themselves, away from the pressures inside and outside of the home. As their needs and identities change over the years, parents and siblings should support these changes and allow the "individual" to blossom.

Having a family doesn't mean having to be just a family member.........

We all deserve time to just be......."me".

Have an intimate day!


Sunday, August 2, 2009

Taming the Tongue

Not too long ago while teaching a 1st grade Sunday school class, I had given each of these 6 & 7 year olds a travel sized tube of toothpaste. "Are we going to learn how to keep our teeth clean", one student asked. "Oh no, we are going to learn something much more important", I stated. The first thing I had the children do was squeeze all the toothpaste out of the tube onto a paper plate. Squeals and giggles filled the room as they performed this task.

When I saw everyone was finished I said, "well, it seems everyone got their toothpaste out quite easily, didn't they"? Boisterous confirmation spilled through the air with pride and laughter. It was a sight to see the smiles plastered on their faces, knowing what was coming next. "Since you kids had such an easy time getting all that toothpaste out of the tube, I want you to put all of the toothpaste back in". Suddenly the smiles turned into perplexing wonder, as you could hear a pin crash to the floor. One child raised his hand and said, "but we can't do that. Once you squeeze the toothpaste out, you can't put it back in".

Profound simplicity isn't it?

The lesson was to help these children understand that once words are shot out of our mouths, it is impossible to ever take them back.

Anyone with children knows, that rarely do they keep comments to themselves and more often than not, they never mean to hurt with intent. Adults however, should know better. Instead, we allow words to spew from our tongue with intention to hurt and harm others.

This weeks effort is an attempt to look at ourselves and how our words affect others. Even if you don't have children, you were a child at one time and I am certain that you can remember when you were destroyed by the hurtful words of others. Remember, that you yourself, can change the way others speak to you. You can create intimacy with anyone you communicate with. Because a kind tongue, contagious!

Have an intimate day!