Monday, November 1, 2010

Time Out or Tough Love?

I have spent most of my career as a Psychiatric nurse studying a menagerie of diagnoses, disorders and addictions. I used to believe in these labels hung on individuals for justifying their behavior or poor choices. Recently however, I’m being challenged in these labels. I believe our culture is witnessing a generation of children growing to believe that their behavior can always be justified in one way or another. This country has lost the ability to raise our children with accountability, and in my opinion it started with the “time out” phenomena. Don’t get me wrong, plopping my kid into a chair to sit and think about their actions has worked on occasion, especially when they were at a young age. The problem is the complacency I see with parents as that child grows older, from the tween to teen years, something is missing.

Ok, here it goes. It’s the statement that proves I’ve become my mother: when I was growing up, you did what you were told or there would be serious consequences. I remember when the tough love theory worked on our youth. I should know, I grew up when that concept came about, along with President Regan, say no to drugs, and mothers against drunk driving. Just think about these concepts for a minute. They're still thriving, and have changed the way our culture thinks and feels about drugs or drinking & driving. Laws have even been implemented from these concepts, and thousands of lives have been saved due to their cause.

So where did the tough love go?

Let’s face it parents, life is tough. It’s only going to get tougher for our children.

I feel confident that when my kids turn 16 and gets their first job, their boss isn’t going to throw therapeutic comments at them when they’re not doing what’s expected. I can’t really hear the manager saying, “It appears your having a hard time right now keeping up, would you like to tell me what might be going on?”

I’m about all tapped out on therapeutic communication, and listening & reading from the “professionals”, the best methods for raising our children.

Now days if a child is defiant, he gets diagnoses of Oppositional Defiance Disorder. So wait, there’s a diagnoses for being defiant? Hell, I got the back of my mother’s hand if I was defiant! I never saw it as abuse. I knew I deserved it!

Our children have the right these days to file charges against their parents if a finger is laid on them. We have therapists telling parents to let our kids have a certain amount of control in their lives, but it has resulted in parents losing control of order in the home.

When are parents going to trust their abilities on raising their children based on tried & true values of the past? Respect, manners, honor, pride …

Tough love

It just may be the best therapy for our children!

Have an intimate day!

Friday, October 29, 2010


I've been reading statements from a few of my friends on Facebook about a nasty flu-like virus flailing around the Western Pennsylvania area, desperately seeking relief from their symptoms. While I don't have advice for the current state there in, I do have a tip to ward off those pesky viruses floating around in the future.

A few years ago a coworker told me about the benefit of apple cider vinegar (ACV) to prevent a cold. She told me, at the first sign of cold symptoms take a swig or two (a "swig" in equivalent to a tablespoon), before bed with some water if needed to help get it down. At the time I was feeling these symptoms come about, so I followed her advice. The next morning, I felt no ill affect and asked her more about it the next day. She explained to me about the acid/base balance our body needs, and that apple cider vinegar actually makes your PH balance more alkaline, and viruses cannot live in an alkalinic state.

I practiced this regimen every time I felt a negative symptom come on ,and in 2 years I never had a cold, or flu for that matter. So I started to research this a bit more & found many resources to back it up. I also found so many other benefits for apple cider vinegar, way to many to list so I'll give you the links.

Now there is something to consider if you decide to implement this in your routine. The ACV must be organic! The kind you see in a grocery store is not worth its place on the shelf. That stuff is made from coal tar, to help its appearance. We "consumers", like to purchase things that "look good". So suppliers have refined what you see in the grocery stores, filtering all of the elements that make ACV worthwhile out to make it clear, so that it is more appealing to buyers. You can find the organic ACV in health food stores or more often now in larger grocery stores that have an organic section. You can also buy it online. I only drink Bragg's Apple Cider Vinegar, and after mixing 1-2 teaspoons of ACV with 1-2 teaspoons of organic honey in 8oz of water (I add ice after mixing and it makes it taste more refreshing), I've never felt so good! I usually drink mine around lunchtime and when I miss day, I can feel the difference! My 11 year old daughter will even request it once in a while because she says it "kinda tastes like lemonade".

Now to be fair, I have gotten sick but it is few & far between the times my entire family will go through there bouts of sickness. Unfortunately the medical community will not do the research to back up these claims, but if you read the hundreds of individuals that testify its benefits, it's hard to deny.

There have been studies with Diabetics and the results were effective in reducing blood glucose levels. During that study, researchers noticed these individuals were loosing weight, so they preformed another study on healthy individuals who consumed the ACV beverage during or an hour before each meal, and found within a year, with NO change in diet or exercise, theses individuals lost an average of 15 lbs.

I know I sound like an advertisement, and really that's not my intention. I'm just sharing what works for me, and over the years of digging into this topic, I've found hundreds of others it helps.

So why keep it to myself?

If you want to learn more, check out these links:

Apple Cider Vinegar

ACV for weight loss ( gotta check out the experiences people have shared about it on that page)

I own this book and refer to it often! You can order it by clicking on the link:

Sadly, I can't help my Facebook friends feel any better as they're already in "sick-mode", but hopefully this will help ward off any funky gunk in the future.

Take care all,.....and have an intimate day!


Tuesday, October 19, 2010


I receive many emails like most of you do. Funny stories, pictures of babies with puppies, breast cancer awareness, political and personal accounts that somewhere along the line most of us can relate to. There is one email that has disturbed my foundation more than any sent to me. So much so, that it convicts me almost on a daily basis.

A man sat quietly on the subway, emotionless and uninvolved with his two children that ran about the train disrupting the other passengers mid afternoon nap, iTunes time, or contemplation of day’s events. All were becoming quite irritated with the children running wildly about the train, when one courageous man leaned in toward the father and said, “excuse me, do you realize how your children are disrupting the other passengers on this ride? Could you please control your kids”? The father snapped out of his gaze and said to the man, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t notice their behavior. I guess they are just in shock. You see, we have just come from the hospital. My son’s have just watched their mother die. I watched my wife, loose her battle. I guess I’m not thinking too clearly. Please forgive me.”

How many times have we had a vehicle behind us drive erratically and we attempt to delay their urgency. Do we know why they’re diving erratically? How many times have we been impatient when the elderly lady in front of us pulls out her check book to pay for her groceries instead of using the efficient debit card our generation is so accustom to using, just because that’s all she has left to control in her elderly years?

How many times do we judge others for their bad attitude, without knowing that behind their closed doors, they’re going through a divorce? Their child has just been diagnosed with a terminal disease. The man of the house has lost his job, his home, his wife and his children to someone else who can do a better job. The teen who was just beaten in the schoolyard forced to join a gang,....... or die.

When I think of how I lose my temper and start cursing the elderly man driving in front of me under the speed limit, I am reminded of that email message. Convicted knowing that one day, I will be that elderly person, just trying to get through the changes in life I just can’t keep up with. I am convicted in knowing that one day, I will be returning from the funeral of a loved one, dazed & incompetent in the simplest tasks of day to day living, having a teen or a mature individual cursing me from behind. One day I will be in the grocery line, paying with a debit card, slowing down those who precede me with a microchip imbedded in their hand rushing them through the line that much faster.

I know that what I display toward others today will eventually come back to haunt me or embrace me in the days ahead.

What about you dear friends?

How will your actions toward others today, affect how you are treated by others in the future? Do you believe in Karma? Even if you don’t at this stage of your life, do you really want to tempt the inevitable?

I challenge everyone reading this post, to do one thing. Just one thing. Once a day, once a week, once a month. One act of kindness towards another.

Whether a smile, a helpful hand, a sacrifice of personal desires. The simple grace of having no reaction in it of itself is an act of kindness.

If just for 5 minutes, make a difference in the life situation of someone else. Because no matter how wonderful your life may be at the moment, there will come a time where devastation sets in. How will it feel for you to be cursed at, humiliated, degraded, gossiped about, all for the sake of someone else’s ego or desire to seek precedence?

Understand that there is no finger pointing here from me. I have done all of the above. I have also been the recipient in darker hours, and yet I still fail daily in this challenge I’ve posted. But there is strength in numbers. What will be the beautiful result from one act of kindness on a routine basis?

“Karma-phala”. Fruits of actions......

What will you do today?

Have an intimate day everyone!


Thursday, June 17, 2010

My Apologies

Recently I've encountered some criticism related to a few of my posts. I'm sure that every new writer has some kind of internal conflict after receiving comments from critics, so I too am trying to filter my attitude regarding this subject. Hopefully some of my writing readers will have some good advice or insight in response. Until then, here are a few thoughts, take 'em or leave 'em......

I started this blog to promote intimacy in relationships. True authentic intimacy, not the kind acted out in sit-com's and reality shows.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't observe or hear members of the younger generation being inundated with inappropriate, outlandish, vulgar and obscene behaviors that they're supposed to navigate through toward ideal interpersonal relationships. I believe that honest genuine relationships any more are viewed as something as odd or unnatural in today's society.

What on earth has happened when a young woman voicing what she believes in on national television regarding the institution of marriage gets publicly slain by the media, yet turn on ABC Family channel and watch 10 minutes of "The Secret Life of the American Teenager". If that doesn't make you wonder, ABC Family has just created another fine show for our younger generation called "Pretty Little Liars", 4 girls with dark secrets that will do whatever they have to to lie & bury those secrets........

OK, my soapbox and back to my point.

I guess I can continue to write my blog based on what I'm passionate about and post a rating along with it to warn readers if it's appropriate for individuals under the age of 20.

That makes me wonder though,....what am I protecting them from? True valued, responsible respected relationships?


I'm gonna keep posting what I value and believe in.

Regardless of the critics.

So if I have offended anyone from my previous posts, I do apologize. Hopefully those who read this and have found some offense will understand that this is what the blog is about, simply don't read it in the future. I have no intention on changing my format, or my intimacy with others.

Have an intimate day everyone!


Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Acceptance = FREEDOM

So I hope I had you all wondering about the follow up to the "Clarity" post I wrote recently. If you're just stopping by to this site, you might want to read Clarity, before going any further.

Onto the story!

A few nights after my trampoline escapade, my husband & I were sitting on the couch after a long day of yard work was put in. All the children were tucked nicely in their beds, sound asleep. I was catching up on my emails when I looked over at my husband who was staring at me. He had this ornery expression on his face that I've seen before & I wasn't certain if I should ask the question. But being the attentive wife, I submitted. "What"? I asked, with a 1/2 smirk on my face. His eyes twinkled at my curiosity.

"Why don't we go out to the trampoline and jump around naked"? I looked at him, trying to stifle the smirk.
"Seriously", he said, grabbing my arm pulling me out from my chair.

Now, I have not been with this man long, but long enough to know that when he gets an idea in his head he almost always follows through with determination. I've tried to fight it, but lose 100% of the time. Reluctantly I stood with a bellowing sigh watching him disrobe. He couldn't get his clothes off fast enough, gleaming with pride as if he had just won the fight of his life.

"Come on", he said as I stood there motionless. All I could think about was my flabby, saggy body and how this image would be forever burned into my husband's memory. Even though my husband had seen me countless times in the buff, I couldn't help but think,...this can't be good.

"Well, come on", he said again, snapping me out of the dreadful images of my flopping body parts flailing around on the trampoline.....

In case you were wondering, yes there was a reasonable amount of liquid courage consumed by us both, which is probably the only reason I finally started stripping off my garments.

So there we were naked, and he couldn't get to the door fast enough with me trailing behind. As he approached the door to the outside deck wildly pulling it opened, he turned to see if I was still behind him. The excitement & inertia of his body kept moving forward through the door not realizing that the sliding screen door was still closed. My lanky 6'2'' husband rammed right through the screen knocking it off the tracks sending it flying onto the deck with a loud crash. Of course you couldn't hear the crash through the shrieking laughter from my gut, but I assure you it was quite a commotion. At this point we could barely walk to the trampoline due to the intense laughter. Our bodies were doubled over in tears as we both could hardly breathe, yet with some stroke of luck we made it. Off the deck, through the cool grass and up onto the canvas we went.

Jumping together still reeling from the screen door, our laughter became in sync with each other. He'd go left, I'd bounce right and sometimes we'd meet in the middle ricocheting off each other. I can honestly search my memory and claim that this was unlike anything I have ever experienced before. This wasn't anything at all like child's play. No,.....this was grown up play! Never once did I think about the negative image I would be placing in my husbands mind. Never did I think of my flab, sag or childbearing body. This was true intimacy, it's purest form. An intimacy that was beyond physical or emotional. This was an intimacy I never knew existed.

The evening eventually came to and end ultimately laughing ourselves to sleep, but in that moment I was released from a self damaging notion of acceptance,...........

and the freedom is glorious!

Have an intimate day!


Friday, May 7, 2010

Needful Things

Last night was yet another difficult night for me because due to some unknown reason I've been having severe back pain while sleeping therefore, I get very little of it. So this morning getting up earlier than I usually do, I headed for the coffee pot that had just started brewing. My husband, always awake before me, lovingly makes the coffee so it's ready when I need it. This particular morning I knew that I would require a strong shot to get on my way, so I stopped the brewing process to add more grounds. My husband looked at me with bewilderment and asked what I was doing. I told him, "I need it stronger". He rolled his eyes a bit and started to walk away. Admittedly I became trite with a martyrdom attitude and said, "never mind, it's fine". Then I started to walk away (see a pattern here). He then walks toward the pot with sigh, to add more of what I desired.

The morning went on without much said, then from silence to 60 a "discussion" ensued. He left the house, I got the kids to school, then the phone rang. Obvious that 60 wasn't enough, the discussion was forced to accelerate. I of course didn't see where my shortcomings were since I just wanted stronger coffee, but something was said during that "discussion" that brought this freight train to a screeching halt, and I heard it, louder than my ears could stand the intensity.

He said, "well, it just doesn't seem like you appreciate me making coffee for you".

OUCH! Yep, I heard it. Within that sentence were multitudes of emotions. Not appreciating him; his actions weren't good enough; expectations of perfection,......and on & on,.....
I felt the sting, but it wasn't mine. I just caused it.

We women like to claim the emotional needs card in the marriage game, but rarely recognize that men have emotional needs that are just as important. Women tend to think that the physical needs of men are first and foremost, forgetting or not even acknowledging that men even have emotional needs. What's interesting is men do communicate emotional needs often however, it is communicated in a language that we women just don't seem to understand.

Intimacy must happen in all forms of communication. Understanding the language can be a challenge, but it is attainable by staying in the moment.

So the next time you find yourself in a "discussion", listen to the language. Then ask yourself, what's being communicated here? You might actually discover those needful things that are so important and necessary to each and everyone of us.

Have an intimate day!


Tuesday, May 4, 2010

An Ode to Mother's

Sadly I almost forgot that this weekend is Mother's Day. So instead of writing about the follow up to finding "Clarity" on the trampoline (and believe me, I have a whopper of a story to that one), I knew I had to write about the most endearing creature to walk the earth. MOMS.

Now before I pay such tribute to moms , please know that there are many fathers out there who have had to take a mothers place for untimely reasons, and I hold them in the very highest of regards, because being a mom, is truly the hardest job there is. But that post will come for Father's Day.

Back to "the mom".

There have been millions of words to describe a mother's love through the years. All you have to do is walk into a card store a month before the date and your swallowed up in sappy mush. But have you ever really thought about the actions of a mother?

The mother carries a life within her, enduring all the joys and discomforts a growing baby offers. Although there may be moments of weakness she stays in motion, desperate to see the face that she had been dreaming of for a lifetime. For 9 months she sacrifices so many of her own needs, knowing full well that the sacrifices, are lifelong.

The joyful day arrives when that life is brought into the world. The pain that had consumed her body, fades in seconds as she holds her child for the first time.

Days,..... months,.... even years pass and the mom, fixes the lunches, mends holes in the clothes & the hearts of a hurt child. Simple kisses can miraculously erase wounds from the playground bully. Closet monsters are destroyed by a simple spray bottle filled with magic potion, (otherwise known as water). Mothers even have strength of a million men should anyone try to harm her child. And the best part of all,.....mothers have intuition. It is a gift unlike any other. The ability to be so connected to her child, that she knows,.......even if her child is grown,......she knows, she feels,............when something isn't right. And she'll call you on it every time.

That's a mom. Brilliant, inventive, loving, captivating,..........there just aren't enough adjectives, or enough room on this page,....or enough time in our lives to express how glorious mothers are.

Sure, moms aren't perfect,......we'll be the first to admit it. How often we let our children down, we could be spending more time with them,.....we "shoulda did this" or "coulda done that",....we'll beat ourselves until our last breath, knowing that we could have loved our children more.

And isn't that just like a Mom?

Only when we as children grow to experience our own children, do we have any concept of what "mom" has done for us.

This week,.....honor your mom. In life or in death; emulate the values, the gifts, the joy, the love, the humility, and the grace..... that ONLY a mother could with your own family. You don't however, have to have children or physically be a "mom" to honor her in these acts. You do it, in your everyday events. And by all means honor, respect, love......on the one day that's set aside, just for her!

With all my heart & soul...........


Have an intimate day!


Monday, April 26, 2010


It's been a long time since I've been at peace with my blog. I am taking the time now, as I have to force myself these days from my daily whirlwind.

To update you, I've taken on a new job. Certainly different from the prison nursing venue, but a desire I have had for some time. I am finally able to to act as a nurse for which I intended. To care, empathize, and coach people with needs that go well beyond physical health. I am performing now as a "wellness coach". An up incoming new role for medical professionals as health care as we now know it reveals uncertainty in our future. I enjoy it, very much, but it has taken its toll on my daily routine as a wife and mother. I have found myself caught up in the daily grind of challenges and barriers of those I listen to as I coach. Last week, I sat by myself wondering how I let myself get to this point. Frustrated & overwhelmed of all the things "to do" swimming around in my head, I felt nothing more than a hypocrite. Here I am, doing the same things I try to guide my clients not to do. I wondered, how do we allow ourselves this chaos? How is it, that all the technology to make our lives simple have only created more havoc? What happened to the basics?

Sitting in a chair outside attempting to absorb the sunshine, with no one else at home, I stared at the trampoline my children so adore as they jump, laugh and soar with delight.

Then it hit me.......

I walked over to it, slid off my shoes and climbed in. With aged knees, I felt the give of the material, embracing my caution yet forcing me to move forward. The canvas luring my steps in different directions without intent. In apprehension I lifted myself in a pathetic hop, realizing how ridiculous I must have looked had someone been watching. Then an apathetic smirk smeared my face as I tried to prevent it only to focus on the chore of hopping in one place. Without even trying the next thing I knew, I was jumping! Not just jumping,.....but bouncing! Left & right, forward & back, side to side,.....I WAS SOARING! The gentle wind brushed my face & my hair flopped up & down as I did. Then I felt something that I hadn't felt in years. I thought for sure at my age I'd never experience it again......

My tummy flipped!

You know the feeling,....that first time you got on a swing and went as high as you could go,...just as you reached the highest of high,.....your tummy would flip. Then,....laughter would spill out of your mouth like nothing before or could ever be again! No thoughts could consume your mind or inferior feelings of self could proceed you,....effortless fusion of joy & peace encapsulated your every breath.


How sad it is, we as grown ups have forgotten the simplest pleasures that only children seem to posses. We try in vain to substitute the fulfilment, only to fail in every attempt.

There is no substitute for simplicity.

I'm not sure what my message is trying to state with accuracy, but hopefully it will be a glaring reminder for some, that keeping life in its simplest form will encourage internal growth as God & as nature has intended, without allowing all the external distractions to infect us on a daily basis.

And if I can offer one piece of guidance,.....make it a point, this week, to do something that will make your tummy flip! Laugh like a child again, like you never thought you would before. It WILL enable pure clarity & joy to be restored in your soul.

Have an intimate day!


Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Valentine's Day Ideas

Valentine's Day is FAST approaching & it's time to start thinking of ways to show your loved one's how much they mean to you! For some people this may be more of a hassle than a warm fuzzy event, but no fear,.... hopefully this weeks post will help generate the LOVE BUG inside of you!

Let's address the love-challenged individuals first:

Men OR women out there who have difficulty finding creative Valentine's Day ideas may simply want to ASK their beloved what they would like. It may be dinner & a movie; a quiet night at home; or maybe just alone time for a mom or dad that's a stay at home parent. What ever it is, you can take that idea as a baseline, build on that idea, thus making it unique & special.

If you have been with your beloved for decades & think you've "been there done that" Valentine's Day idea to death, purge your memory a bit and think about when you first started the relationship with your partner. Ask yourself, what did he/she like then that I haven't acknowledged in years. Was there a favorite song, favorite place you went to eat, a place where you two would escape from the rest of the world just to bask in each others glory? Keep in mind, great Valentines Day moments don't have to be expensive, or cost anything for that matter. It really is all about what's in your heart.

Now if your being pummeled by your kids on buying Valentines Day cards for the friends, step out of the box this year & push convenience aside. Make a point to spend quality time (which is the real the gift), creating Valentine's Day cards or crafts for handing out. Not only will it make your kids popular with their friends (because it's special & unique), it will most certainly make you wildly popular with your kids, and what better self-esteem booster is that?

I found a great site for creating Valentine's Day crafts & cards for your kids. Check out Fun 4 the Children

So what about those out there who don't have kids or aren't "attached"? No need to get all bummed out over this holiday. Do remember that there is at least one person in your life that would appreciate an act of reassurance that they mean something to you. A parent, a friend, and above all else,......YOURSELF! There is NO rule or law written that states you can't do something nice for yourself! So don't make excuses for Valentine's Day. Do something for yourself that you've been putting off or always dreamed of doing. It's OK,....give yourself guiltless permission!

So no matter how challenged you may be at finding creative ways to show your love for someone special, remember this:

It's an unconscious touch
It's an act of appreciation

And it doesn't cost a thing!

Post your Valentine's Day ideas or some of the most memorable Valentine's moments you've had. Who knows, someone may take your idea and make someone else very happy! Just another way to spread the LOVE!

Have an Intimate Day!

All my LOVE!


Friday, January 29, 2010

Predators VS Children

I've been sitting on this subject for a while now, but it's time to post it. I think because it's a difficult subject for any parent to deal with, and what parent wants to talk about predators to their children? Unfortunately it's a harsh reality how many predators share the same atmosphere with our kids. Although there is plenty of information for parents to educate themselves & their children, far too many would rather stick their head in the sand pretending it doesn't exist in "their world".

While working in the prison system for 8 years, I've had my fair share of interactions with sexual predators. I know details of too many cases, and let's just say, I wish I could erase the details in my mind but I can't. I can share some things that will hopefully get people to start thinking smarter about these predators & how to protect their children, or ANY child for that matter!

First, let me tell you what makes me crazy. Parents or Grandparents that drive around with decals on the back of their vehicle displaying the pride that they have for their kids. Now,there's nothing wrong with being proud of your kids, but think about this for a minute. I've seen decals with their kids name, what sport or activity their in, what school they go to (so now I know what area they live in), how many people are in the family (you know, the little stick family decals), and since I know what activities these kids are in, I know that they have a routine of practices to parks, fields, away from home,...are you getting the drift of where I'm coming from?

An inmate was talking to a co-worker of mine about how he could find out EVERYTHING about her in one day. She scoffed at him not believing a word. The next day, the same inmate came up to her and told her, her address, her birthday, how many kids she had, where they went to school, and on & on. And he did this in the comfort of his jail cell. Need I say any more?
OK, so that's just a pet peeve I have.

You may be thinking, you've taught your kids enough about "stranger danger", and that they would NEVER go off with someone they didn't know, right?.....
Well, think again. Click on this link, and watch the video. You can actually order it & it's free.

Safe From Harm

Internet safety is a HUGE concern! While living in New Mexico last year, a state police officer acquaintance of mine, told me that there were 11,000 online predators in Albuquerque alone. Now Albuquerque is not considered a very big city, so think about how many are in your city. I found this link with a VERY informative article about Internet predators, and I suggest it be read in full.

Internet Predators and Their Prey

"Sexting" is another area that we need to address with our kids. It's becoming an out of control situation that has serious and sometimes criminal consequences for young teens. Watch this shocking video from CBS News.

Dangers Of Teen "Sexting"

I can't stress enough, how important it is to be in CONSTANT communication with our kids! These issues need to be regurgitated over and over again with them, not just talked about one time than walk away as if you feel you've done the parental duty.
And if you don't have kids, IT DOESN'T MATTER! I'm sure you know someone who does. I love the saying, "it takes a community to raise a child", it also needs a community to keep them safe.

I'm asking for a favor when it comes to this post. FORWARD THIS! Please! To anyone you know that has kids & wants to keep them safe.

Thanks everyone!

Have an intimate day!


Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Intimate Violence

I remember watching a commercial a few years ago, where a couple in an apartment hears pounding, yelling & crying between another couple in the apartment above them. They glance at each other in regret. Sadness fills their eyes, yet they do nothing. Such a powerful message.

Unfortunately, violence & abusive relationships are a reality, and I think that it is an issue that needs to be acknowledged whether one has ever experienced intimate violence or not.

Intimate violence consists of any physical, emotional, verbal abuse, threats isolation or intimidation between one or more individuals in a relationship. Whether spousal, child, partner, even elder, violence and abuse affects everyone.

The abusive individual needs to maintain control & power over his or her relationships, and more often than not was probably a recipient of abuse at some point in their lives & often unknowingly realizing that they are performing abusive acts.

Violence & abuse in relationships cause devastating long term effects on all who are involved. Children witnessing or recipients of abusive behavior will have a lifetime of behavioral, social and emotional challenges.

I feel pressed to write about this topic because I have witnessed & been a recipient of one or more of these types of abuse. I can't stress enough, how important it is to recognize when an individual is taking abusive control toward another individual. Unfortunately our society has become so desensitized by media, that shocking "bad" behavior has become a norm in our lifestyle. We find ourselves accepting verbal abuse, condescension, intimidation of others as a problem that the "other person" has. Even if we are not the recipients, it affects us. The desensitization of the act alone is an affect.

Violence & abuse in relationships is on the rise. Society knows more about it. Science has researched it, evidence proves the effects, organizations are available for support,.....yet the problem escalates. What's going on here? How is this continued abuse & violence so problematic in our relationships today?

This weeks topic is an attempt to get people to acknowledge what "abuse" really is. Does it occur in your relationships? Are YOU really sure if it occurs or not in your relationships? Do you know anyone who is experiencing intimate violence or abuse? Have you confronted it? Have you reached out a hand, or even an anonymous intention? We need to stop being "desensitized" by societal acceptance and start acting on the issues that will devastatingly affect our future generations.

If you would like more information on Intimate violence & abuse please check out these sites:

Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness

National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center

Thanks everyone!
Have an intimate day!


Tuesday, January 5, 2010


Ok people, how many of you have made a New Year's resolution in your life? Now let me ask, how many of those resolutions have you kept? I understand all to well the answers come as no surprise that we rarely stick to resolutions. So let's try a different approach this year. Instead of resolutions, how about committing to a change in your lifestyle as you now know it? Although it may sound to large of a task, but the first step to changing your lifestyle is actually taking only one step at a time.


Identify the areas of your life you would like to improve, and write it down in a notebook or journal.

* Would you like to address your exercise & eating habits?
* Is organization a problem for you?
* Would you like to spend more quality time with your children?
* Is the relationship between you & your spouse lacking in some areas?

By doing just this, you've made a step toward changing your lifestyle.


* Choose from the list, one item that holds the most priority for you.

By choosing just one, the less likely you will feel overwhelmed by all the other changes you'd like to see happen. Choosing ONE makes the change attainable!


* Prepare to commit to that ONE attainable change every day!

Once that change becomes a routine, you'll be ready to move to the next priority on your list.

Keep in mind that a change in lifestyle doesn't have to be ground breaking. Even subtle improvements can make huge differences in your home & work relationships.

For example: If spending more time with your children is important to you, setting a daily half hour to an hour of quality uninterrupted time with your child provides stability and worth not just for them, but for you as well.

Finding moments to share with your children are easier than you think. If you cook dinner for your family, invite the child to help you prepare. Dusting, folding clothes, any routine act you do in your home, you can incorporate your child's involvement. Even the smallest task you give that child provides them great achievement, and most of all, individual time with you. These subtle acts are the changes in lifestyle that should be recognized as success!

Recognize that you as an adult are able to hold a job, run a home & errands without any thought,....because it's a routine action. Routine is the keyword in making lifestyle changes stick.

Each one of us performs daily routine tasks that are necessary. Understand that positive lifestyle changes ARE necessary!

So make your list.

Choose ONE at a time.

Subtle change, is successful change.

And most of all, make it routine!

I hope this weeks post gives you some food for thought, and as I have only mentioned a few options for improving your lifestyle, feel free to offer ways you have been able to make lifestyle changes stick.

Have an intimate day!