Friday, May 7, 2010

Needful Things

Last night was yet another difficult night for me because due to some unknown reason I've been having severe back pain while sleeping therefore, I get very little of it. So this morning getting up earlier than I usually do, I headed for the coffee pot that had just started brewing. My husband, always awake before me, lovingly makes the coffee so it's ready when I need it. This particular morning I knew that I would require a strong shot to get on my way, so I stopped the brewing process to add more grounds. My husband looked at me with bewilderment and asked what I was doing. I told him, "I need it stronger". He rolled his eyes a bit and started to walk away. Admittedly I became trite with a martyrdom attitude and said, "never mind, it's fine". Then I started to walk away (see a pattern here). He then walks toward the pot with sigh, to add more of what I desired.

The morning went on without much said, then from silence to 60 a "discussion" ensued. He left the house, I got the kids to school, then the phone rang. Obvious that 60 wasn't enough, the discussion was forced to accelerate. I of course didn't see where my shortcomings were since I just wanted stronger coffee, but something was said during that "discussion" that brought this freight train to a screeching halt, and I heard it, louder than my ears could stand the intensity.

He said, "well, it just doesn't seem like you appreciate me making coffee for you".

OUCH! Yep, I heard it. Within that sentence were multitudes of emotions. Not appreciating him; his actions weren't good enough; expectations of perfection,......and on & on,.....
I felt the sting, but it wasn't mine. I just caused it.

We women like to claim the emotional needs card in the marriage game, but rarely recognize that men have emotional needs that are just as important. Women tend to think that the physical needs of men are first and foremost, forgetting or not even acknowledging that men even have emotional needs. What's interesting is men do communicate emotional needs often however, it is communicated in a language that we women just don't seem to understand.

Intimacy must happen in all forms of communication. Understanding the language can be a challenge, but it is attainable by staying in the moment.

So the next time you find yourself in a "discussion", listen to the language. Then ask yourself, what's being communicated here? You might actually discover those needful things that are so important and necessary to each and everyone of us.

Have an intimate day!



  1. Insightful post. Especially as the other party in the "discussion". A good reminder that even when I think I'm listening, I may only be waiting to make my own self-serving point. And even when we do actively listen, we are always listening through a filter that is shaped by our gender, age, upbringing, and probably a few dozen other things. It's a good reminder of the patience needed to communicate successfully. It's too easy to jump to conclusions without stopping to think how your own filter may have skewed and warped what was being communicated. Thank you sweetie. I love you.

  2. Thank you dear, for not relying on osmosis to get your point across ;)

  3. Aw, poor Bob! Men are much more sensitive than we give them credit for. They need to be appreciated like we do.

    I hope you're back starts feeling better. Have you considered going to see a chiropractor?


  4. Thanks Jai! Yeah, I thought about it, but to fit it into my schedule is a bit tricky. And, I'm stubborn,.....I think that I can fix it/deal with it on my own, but I know that eventually it will get the best of me. :(

  5. Honey, there are some things you can't fix by yourself. I would advise you to give yourself a break and go see a chiropractor. They can do wonders and once you get back into shape you can do the work in maintaining your strength and not falling back into bad health. Really, it's worth the investment.


  6. Great post! and sorry about the back, I see Dr. Kim for Acupuncture and he needles pain right outta me

    feel better

  7. Thanks Paige! I have had accupuncture in the past,...I'm certainly not against it, but it didn't do much for me, but I do promote it :)

    Jai,....I think you have convinced me to check out a chiropractor in my area. Sometimes all we need is a good friend to nudge us in the right direction ;)

  8. the sand on y'all feet looks like sugar on the peeps

    drop by when ya get a minute