Last night was yet another difficult night for me because due to some unknown reason I've been having severe back pain while sleeping therefore, I get very little of it. So this morning getting up earlier than I usually do, I headed for the coffee pot that had just started brewing. My husband, always awake before me, lovingly makes the coffee so it's ready when I need it. This particular morning I knew that I would require a strong shot to get on my way, so I stopped the brewing process to add more grounds. My husband looked at me with bewilderment and asked what I was doing. I told him, "I need it stronger". He rolled his eyes a bit and started to walk away. Admittedly I became trite with a martyrdom attitude and said, "never mind, it's fine". Then I started to walk away (see a pattern here). He then walks toward the pot with sigh, to add more of what I desired.
The morning went on without much said, then from silence to 60 a "discussion" ensued. He left the house, I got the kids to school, then the phone rang. Obvious that 60 wasn't enough, the discussion was forced to accelerate. I of course didn't see where my shortcomings were since I just wanted stronger coffee, but something was said during that "discussion" that brought this freight train to a screeching halt, and I heard it, louder than my ears could stand the intensity.
He said, "well, it just doesn't seem like you appreciate me making coffee for you".
OUCH! Yep, I heard it. Within that sentence were multitudes of emotions. Not appreciating him; his actions weren't good enough; expectations of perfection,......and on & on,.....
I felt the sting, but it wasn't mine. I just caused it.
We women like to claim the emotional needs card in the marriage game, but rarely recognize that men have emotional needs that are just as important. Women tend to think that the physical needs of men are first and foremost, forgetting or not even acknowledging that men even have emotional needs. What's interesting is men do communicate emotional needs often however, it is communicated in a language that we women just don't seem to understand.
Intimacy must happen in all forms of communication. Understanding the language can be a challenge, but it is attainable by staying in the moment.
So the next time you find yourself in a "discussion", listen to the language. Then ask yourself, what's being communicated here? You might actually discover those needful things that are so important and necessary to each and everyone of us.
Have an intimate day!
5 weeks ago