Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Saying Goodbye

Well, sort of.

I've had a hard time bringing myself in creating this post. There are so many factors that come into play regarding this topic that funneling them was more challenging than I expected.

I'll start with desperately wanting to see 2010 flee from my existence. Unlike most individuals that dread the seasonal changes from warm summer months to brutal cold winters, I actually embrace the changes. I view the hibernation of life as an opportunity to reflect on my personal choices and attitudes from the months past. As I hibernate during the winter, I look forward to reinventing myself into a more positive and productive person. I believe every individual approaches December 31st with great anticipation, hoping that the New Year will be better than the last.

I wanted nothing more than to see 2010 disappear. That was until experiencing the first few hours of 2011.

For the past 2 years, our household has been rocked (almost off its foundation), by a debilitating condition. I feel strongly about revealing this conflict, but that in it of itself is a whole other post! Along with the issues in the home, my dear father was fighting his own health battles, and loosing. The last 6 months became my internal struggle of being a daughter or a nurse, a wife and a mother. Looking back I doubt I performed any of those with proficiency.

I feared for my family that my father would never make it to Christmas (sometimes being a nurse & knowing to much is more of a curse than a blessing), yet he proved me wrong and fought his way through it. The days between Christmas & New Years were the most brutal. Witnessing his demise was unbearable. In the first hour of New Year's Day, he took his final breath.

2011 was starting the way 2010 ended. A physical & emotional train wreck!

Or is it?

These are the winter months. Where "life" around us dies, and we take time to reflect on the years past. We can decide to wallow in our own self pity and regret, or we can rise up to meet the beautiful life that awaits.

I wanted so desperately to say goodbye to 2010 and a big hello to 2011. Only now do I realize that by saying goodbye to that dreadful year, I was also wishing away the final days of an ending life.

Today,.....I want to embrace life's blessings. You know, the simple stuff. Tomorrow, I don't know what's going to happen, or even what my day may look like. But today, as I look at the brown grass and fallen dead leaves, at my feet there is something breaking through the mulch.......

One of my perennials has sprouted.

Life,..... goes on.

Have an intimate day everyone!



  1. I understand how you feel. As one year passes, another comes. Wondering what will change is an ongoing experience. WE are the only ones that can change. Our reaction to the experiences we encounter set the stage for things to come. As hard as it is, one day at a time is the only way to live. As you have experienced, living for a possible tomorrow makes today useless. Only God knows what's in store tomorrow, or, if there will be one. Losing Heidi's father so quickly reminded me how precious life is. Say "I love you" or give praise, don't leave on a bad note. All of these are things we take for granite everyday. We assume we will have a chance to say I'm sorry or good job but, that time may not come. Instead, we may be saying "Good Bye".

  2. I love you my dear. Looking forward to facing our blessings and not-so-blessings together.

  3. Beautiful Jen. You are such a blessing as a daughter, wife, mother and friend. You are making a positive difference every day. Hang in there, my friend. Praying for you.

  4. Ray stated it very well-it is not what comes our way but how we choose to process it. Some seasons are tougher than others.

    Jennifer, I'm so very sorry to hear about your dad. I have lost my dad also, about a month ago. He died suddenly. I know what you're going through and I'll keep you in my prayers.

    Keep your eyes on Spring, and hopefully you'll find peace and renewal in the beautiful promises the season brings.

  5. so often we do forget that endings are beginnings


  6. Just here to say that I'm missing you, Jennifer, and hope that things are going well.