Chapters

People have told me that I should write a book about my life. I have fancied the idea on one or more occasions, but can't muster the courage to make an attempt.

I have found recently however, that my "life" truly parallels chapters of a brilliant novel.

As I sit here in transition from Part I of my book to Part II, I reflect on the chapters of my recent past, caught up in the mystic yet turbulent whirlwind of events that precede me.

Characters in a book add vibrant color and charisma to any story. Whether you fall in love with them or painfully agree to disagree, you simply cannot have a good story without great characters. The latest characters in my story have supported and helped mold me into a stronger leading role toward my next chapters. There are times though; I fear turning the page, wondering what will happen next in my sometimes love story, fictional, reality, drama-show novel. It is then I realize that each day is but a living page. I can't deny it, I can't avoid it, and whether I want to engage or not, I have to be a part of it.

So as we reflect on our past and the last few moments of 2009, I ask you dear friends, what is your novel about? Do you embrace the characters in your life? Are you living out the chapters in your book as reality, drama, romance, or a life of fiction?

I must take the time now, to thank the characters in my last few chapters. I need not mention names. I just want to thank them, for being a part of my glorious life living novel.

Have an intimate day & a beautiful New Year!

Jennifer

The Art of Caring

Oh how I've missed my readers!!!!!
For anyone who may not be aware, or questioned my blogging absence, my apologies. The past two months my family and I have made a significant move from New Mexico to Pennsylvania. As most of it ran smoothly, it has not been a less than hectic transition. I am forcing myself away from the unpacking & organizing to post what has been poking at my heart the past few weeks.

Caring......

What do we really know about caring? Ok, it's a verb. Something we actively do. But is it something that is actively done only for those that we know or are close to?

Christmas is the time of year where caring becomes a natural part of our daily living. We shop for loved ones, make cookies & candy for neighbors, send thoughtful cards of love & well wishes, and maybe find ourselves smiling on one or more occasions. We extend a helping hand, offering goodwill for those less fortunate,...giving a part of who we are to perfect strangers.

There is an art to it.

Just as painter displays images on canvas, a potter molding clay, or a dancer gliding across the floor with effortless motion,......there is an art to even the simplest act of caring.  However, not everyone is talented in this art. There is one way though, where we who have the ability, can promote the art in others. Just as a parent helps their child achieve an accomplishment, or a teacher that enables imagination & creativity, or a boss teaching an employee a new technique,......we can teach & offer the same education in the art of caring. 

A smile is contagious...
A kind word is infectious...
An unconscious touch,  is everlasting...

For this time of year, and for everyday that follows, exude your art of caring,......
it WILL catch on to others.

Have an intimate day!

Jennifer

Love Your Lymph's!

In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month, I thought I would let the nurse in me educate my readers about the importance of lymph nodes. If you're not certain about what they are, lymph nodes are tiny nodules found throughout the body and are an important part of your immune system. This is how cancer cells can quickly spread through the body once it enters the lymphatic system. So taking care of your lymph's is just as important as performing a Breast Self Exam (BSE).

The lymphatic system is a miraculous system filtering cancer causing cells, debris and toxins out of your body. Here are some ways you can love your lymph's!

Rub it out!
Massage is an excellent way to increase your circulation and lymphatic flow. I highly recommend a trip to a massage therapist at least once a month, not only for the benefits of lymphatic circulation but therapeutic massage has numerous benefits(which may be another topic in and of itself). However, in this economic time, massage can be pricy for anyone's budget. You can receive the benefit yourself by gently rubbing your breasts in a circular motion in one direction for about 5 minutes, then switch to the opposite direction.

Ditch the bra!
Especially under wire bras which inhibit blood and lymphatic flow allowing toxins to accumulate around breast tissue. Think about when you are getting blood taken. A tourniquet is applied to cut off the blood flow building pressure behind the restriction. The same thing is happening when wearing snug fitting or underwire bras. Pressure builds in the breast tissue and cannot drain properly, causing cyst formation. So choose comfortable bras that aren't snug around the under arm area or underneath the breast areas and now you have an excuse to go without a bra whenever you can. I myself have opted for sports bras & thin tanks that have "shelf bras". Since then I dread going back to a regular confining bra when I have too.

Avoid conventional antiperspirants!
Now let me make it clear, antiperspirants do NOT cause cancer however, the body has a few significant areas where is rids itself from toxins in the form of perspiration; behind the knees, ears, groin areas, and armpits. Antiperspirant does exactly what it says, it impedes perspiration. So if you're using antiperspirants, you're inhibiting the body from purging the toxins in the armpit area. The body has to deposit these toxins somewhere, so it does so in the lymph nodes causing a high concentration of toxins and leads to cell mutations; in other words CANCER. Applying antiperspirants right after shaving increases the risk due to the tiny nicks created in the armpit after shaving, allowing the chemicals to enter the body even faster. So instead of using an antiperspirant, choose a deodorant instead. These simply mask the odor without inhibiting the body's natural defense of perspiration.

Work it out!
Yes, exercise! Cardiovascular exercise increases blood and lymphatic circulation, allowing for those nasty toxins to be flushed from your body. And how is one way it does that???? SWEAT! So go,...do whatever you need to do to get a good sweat going!

You are what you eat!
By now every one of you knows how important a healthy diet is. But let me give you a different view about what you are putting into your body. Read the back of your food labels. If you can't pronounce it,....DON'T EAT IT! Seriously, your body doesn't know what to do with chemicals. It has no way of being able to break them down, so these chemicals then get deposited into the body's cells and tissues, reeking havoc for years on the body's natural defenses. So stick with fresh vegetables (the darker & more colorful the better), whole grains, legumes, and foods high in Omega-3's, such as flax seeds, salmon, tuna, and herring.

I hope these tips will help as you consider a lifestyle to improve better health for you and your family.

Please don't let this topic be read and forgotten. Forward it to all of the "females" you know. Sharing a defense against breast cancer is a gift!

Have an intimate day!

Jennifer

Sex IS Important!

Sorry for the absence everyone. There have been some significant life changes happening to me and my family lately that will prove to be quite the adventure in the next few weeks ahead. But I'm back with what I think is an extremely important topic: SEX!

So without further ado, let's get down to business!

Sex IS important! Let me repeat that. It is SO important, and before I go any further let me make it clear that because of my spiritual beliefs, I stress that sex is an act to be shared between a man and a woman after the commitment of marriage! That being said, let's continue :)

I started a group recently with friends of mine, making a vow that we meet once a month (whether we want to or not), to get away from the stressors of life in general. During our 2nd get-together (and after a few margaritas’) we started talking about,..you guessed it, SEX! Now the age's of the "ladies" ranged from the 30's 40's and early 50's. I soon came to the realization that we had something in common. We were all raised by parents with "old school" values, especially when it came to sexual roles in a marriage. I discussed with them what I discovered after my first marriage ended. Over all, with our age range, I'm finding there is no intimacy, passion or desire left in marriages today (and I speak of the majority, knowing that there are exceptions). And I wonder, what is happening to the marriage after the honeymoon?

I hear all kinds of excuses, "well, we have kids", or "our jobs are too stressful", "I'm so tired by the end of the day", and on and on and on,........

Well, to be honest, I think that's a bunch of CRAP! Marriage is WORK, and it is the MOST important job a man and a woman have in the home. Couples allow too many distractions in their lives that place a wedge between what's truly important. I don't care if you've been married 2 years or 50 years. Couples need to be able to share the deepest level of intimacy between each other, and that is sex!

If you don't really know much about it than you better learn, and if you think you know it all, than you're delusional! Let me give you an example; did you know that the female clitoris is comprised of 18 structures?!!!!

So I guess that really does prove that women are "complicated", but none-the-less..... MEN, you need to start talking to your wives about what THEIR sexual needs are, and LADIES, if you don't know what your needs are.........then you NEED to find out!

My point is, sex is the most important intimate act you can share with your mate. If you’re not allowing that to happen, the intimacy in all other areas of your life will be affected.

Talk to each other, touch each other, and explore each other. Laugh, tease, blush,......use food if you must! But in the end,.....melt into each other’s bodies and become one as God created you to be.


So, take this week’s message, and GO,....have at it!

And let me know how it turns out!


Have an intimate day!

Jennifer

Your Kid Is Bent!

A few days ago my husband and I were talking about our 3 youngest children and how all of their personalities differ. We were able to pick out specific traits and characteristic the we hope forecast what they may be like as they grow into adulthood. In our quiet time together, we discuss how we can help mold our children into what we as parents would like them to be. A common topic I suppose among most parents. At least that was until I read something that changed my perspective of how I currently view my children.

In the book "Cure for the Common Life: Living In Your Sweet Spot", author Max Lucado cites a quote from Charles Swindoll's book "You and Your Child". It states, "The child is not, in fact, a pliable piece of clay. He has been set; he has been bent. And the parents who want to train their child correctly will discover that bent!" (Swindoll, 1997)

That statement allowed me to realize that my children are already "bent". They may own a piece of my DNA, but they're encrypted with a code that has nothing to do with me.

Let's take for example, Jai Joshi; a dear reader and an accomplished published author. Her biography tells us she was raised by a family of scientist's, but even as a child, she knew she was pre-wired for writing. Not only does she enjoy writing, she lives and breathes it. Writing courses through her veins; it is a part of her physical makeup. To read her work you become effortlessly captured by her words. Her verse consumes you as if you were a character in the storyline.

But what if her parents felt the need to mold her into something else? What if her parents thought they knew what was best for her? What if Jai Joshi didn't follow what she was "bent"for? An exceptional God given talent would be lost forever, and Jai would be condemned with a restless heart.

So the next time your wondering what your child will be when he grows up, take the time to study what your child is really "bent" for. Recognize if you may be inadvertently trying to undo that "bent".

I'll leave you with this quote:

"God gave you an eighteen-year old research project......Childhood tendencies forecast adult abilities. Read them. Discern them. Affirm them. Cheerlead them." (Lucado, 2005)

"Don't see your child as a blank slate awaiting your pen, but as a written book awaiting your study." (Lucado, 2005)


Have an intimate day!

Jennifer

Fun Family Traditions

With the holiday seasons quickly approaching, most of us become so caught up in the hustle & bustle of events that before you know it, they're all over leaving us wondering, "what just happened & did I do anything memorable with my family"?

For years, I myself have been pondering starting a family tradition with my own children and I've only come up with one. I decided that on Mother's Day, I would have a professional photo taken of just me and my children. Sadly, I have yet to do it. That has brought me to this post. This year, I plan on making a concerted effort to start some family traditions of my own, so that my children and grandchildren someday will look back on those moments and cherish them forever. The problem is, I can't think of any!

I also wanted to post this, knowing there are so many culturally diverse readers who can post their family traditions.

I can't think of a more intimate way of bringing families together than starting or having a tradition!

That being said, please share your family traditions; who knows, maybe your tradition will be carried on through others,........

What a great legacy!

Have an intimate day!

Jennifer

What's Your Love Language?

When my husband and I were dating (and I say that loosely since we had a long distance relationship), our "dating" consisted of a ritual nightly telephone call, where we developed a beautiful non-physical intimate relationship.

I had just bought the book "The Five Love Languages", by Gary Chapman suggesting to my new beau that he do the same. We decided to read a chapter daily, then discuss each chapter in our nightly phone conversations.

What we learned was that each of us have a "love language", and a very important "love tank" that needs to be filled. Just as an automobile needs a full tank of gasoline to run, every human needs their love tank filled.

There are 5 love languages described in the book:

* Words of Affirmation
* Quality Time
* Receiving Gifts
* Acts of Service
* Physical Touch

Now you may read those and automatically think you know what your love language is, and you may be right as I thought I knew what my love language was. Until I read the book! I wasn't far off on my choice, but I found that my true love language was not what I thought.

I also realized that my children have love languages too, and I had been way off on knowing what they were, and keeping their "love tank" full!


This book was a blessing to me, not only because I learned a deeper detail of myself, but it allows me to communicate with my husband and children on a level of intimacy that I wouldn't have been able to other wise. It also has given my husband and I some authority to hold each other accountable in our "love tank" maintenance. Just as an automobile needs maintenance to run properly, we too need maintenance to run properly.

If your curious (and you should be) about your "love language", I highly recommend the read. You can purchase the book right here by scrolling down the bottom of the page to "Books I Love". You can click right on "The Five Love Languages", and it will take to to the purchasing options.

I do hope you take this book into consideration. I think you'll find a different "language" in all of your intimate relationships!

Have an intimate day!

Jennifer

Treat The Cause!

I recently left my job as a prison nurse, working with psychotic inmates. As interesting as my days were, I've been directed to seek other interests in my career. I do however, reflect on the experience I've gained working in a prison. Recently, I was thinking about a question I had asked the medical director on the psychiatric unit. "Are we just treating the symptoms of these people, or are we treating the cause?"


Americans are so guilty of the "I want it now", "quick fix" mentality, that we've succumbed to masking the overall symptoms of fear, stress, anxiety, sadness, and anger, that we forget or become numb to the underlying cause of these symptoms.


My husband tells me that I can be so discontent at times, and as that comment frustrates and enrages me, I have to wonder, am I just treating my own symptoms, without ever dealing with the cause? Then the "Ahaa" moment hit me. In all living situations we want to suppress the symptoms so that we don't have to deal with the underlying cause. We take a pill, take a drink, take in a hurtful statement, and act on hurtful emotions just so we won't have to face what festers deep with in us.


Fear, worry, regret, guilt; we all have it. Whether 5 years old or 50, the symptoms exist. All that is human converts and abides by "symptoms", while very few actually understand that there is a cause behind it.


My friends, this site is about intimacy. If you are married, single, have siblings, parents or have children, stop treating, or reacting to symptoms. Instead,.....treat the cause.

Start asking questions either of yourself or others:


Why would they do such a thing?

Wow, they sure are in a bad mood.

Why am I so emotional?

Why can't I just be happy?


You get the point.

Hopefully this topic will invoke a response to dig deeper into your "symptoms", and allow you to further investigate the underlying causes that may be preventing a more intimate life with others.



Have an intimate day!



Jennifer

Sing It With Me!....

"It's the most wonderful time of the year"........
I know, it's not Christmas time, but it IS, kids' going back to school time! Yes, I admit, I've been carrying that tune around for days. Yet as I sing it with joy, I feel a myriad of other emotions.

Fear & excitement!

"Fear & excitement", what a pair. Fear about the unknown, and excitement for what is to come.

As adults, we have already experienced these emotions before the new school year, but for children, these feelings can be overwhelming. Parents can tell them until there blue in the face, that everything will be OK, but deep down inside, we don't know do we? We cross our fingers hoping that everyday they come off the bus, they'll have a positive experience at school. That every day, they'll understand their homework and get straight "A's"or that they'll be the popular child that never gets picked on. When in reality, we know that's not always going to happen. Parents can make themselves crazy with worry about our children's well being while there away from us.

If you have seen the movie "Finding Nemo" (if you haven't, you need to watch it), Dora, and Marlin were caught in the whales mouth. The two were in a position where they were just about to fall into the whales stomach, holding on desperately. Dora sensed that the whale wanted her to "let go", but Marlin wasn't about to. When Dora pleaded for Marlin to "let go", Marlin exclaimed, "how do you know something bad isn't going to happen"? The most poignant statement was made by Dora,......."I don't", and she let go.

Parents, need to "let go" sometimes. Our children will encounter hard times, and as difficult as it is for parents to observe, that's what "growing" is. All we can do, is be loving and supportive for our children.

So as you send your kiddo's off to school this year, kiss them,....hug them,....and tell them you'll be there, not only when they return from school,.......but always!

Then,.....Let go!

Have an intimate day!

Jennifer

The Importance Of "Me Time"

Years ago, I had a good friend tell me that she and her husband gives each other "me time". I was curious about that concept and had her explain in detail. Basically, they gave each other one night a week that they could spend however they wanted. It was a few hours they could get away from the pressure and responsibilities of everyday life. My friend told me she would make herself leave the house, if just to take a walk in the park, or watch a movie by herself. It allowed them the "me time" we all deserve.

When I wanted to incorporate this concept in my life, my children were less than receptive. I told them a great piece of advice my aunt gave me once. "kids, it's important for mommy to have time to herself, because as important as your needs are to me, my needs are important too. Mommy,....is important too."

It is one of the best lesson I hope to instill in my children. That once they grow and have a family of their own, their needs, interests, goals and dreams don't have to end. That they can still be an "individual" without having to loose themselves in the "family".

Husbands need that, wives need that, and children need that as well. If a child has siblings, they too need time as an individual. They need quiet time to themselves, away from the pressures inside and outside of the home. As their needs and identities change over the years, parents and siblings should support these changes and allow the "individual" to blossom.

Having a family doesn't mean having to be just a family member.........

We all deserve time to just be......."me".

Have an intimate day!

Jennifer

Taming the Tongue

Not too long ago while teaching a 1st grade Sunday school class, I had given each of these 6 & 7 year olds a travel sized tube of toothpaste. "Are we going to learn how to keep our teeth clean", one student asked. "Oh no, we are going to learn something much more important", I stated. The first thing I had the children do was squeeze all the toothpaste out of the tube onto a paper plate. Squeals and giggles filled the room as they performed this task.

When I saw everyone was finished I said, "well, it seems everyone got their toothpaste out quite easily, didn't they"? Boisterous confirmation spilled through the air with pride and laughter. It was a sight to see the smiles plastered on their faces, knowing what was coming next. "Since you kids had such an easy time getting all that toothpaste out of the tube, I want you to put all of the toothpaste back in". Suddenly the smiles turned into perplexing wonder, as you could hear a pin crash to the floor. One child raised his hand and said, "but we can't do that. Once you squeeze the toothpaste out, you can't put it back in".

Profound simplicity isn't it?


The lesson was to help these children understand that once words are shot out of our mouths, it is impossible to ever take them back.

Anyone with children knows, that rarely do they keep comments to themselves and more often than not, they never mean to hurt with intent. Adults however, should know better. Instead, we allow words to spew from our tongue with intention to hurt and harm others.

This weeks effort is an attempt to look at ourselves and how our words affect others. Even if you don't have children, you were a child at one time and I am certain that you can remember when you were destroyed by the hurtful words of others. Remember, that you yourself, can change the way others speak to you. You can create intimacy with anyone you communicate with. Because a kind tongue,.......is contagious!


Have an intimate day!

Jennifer

Is It Ever Ok To Fake An Orgasm?

Unequivocally, the answer is NO!

Now, let me first address that it is usually the women that fake their orgasms, for a multitude of reasons, but more and more men are doing it as well.

Let me explain why this is such a problem. First of all, it's a lie. You are making your partner believe that they are pleasuring you in the most passionate, loving, intimate way. When faking a climax, your leading your partner to believe that their doing a good job. Which leads to the next indication that there is no communication during what should be a sacred experience.

When you think about it from that point of view, let's consider what we teach children about lying,....the first lie is easy, but then it becomes harder and harder to cover up the first lie with one after the other, digging them deeper into trouble.

That is exactly what happens when you don't communicate to your partner what pleases you or what your needs are when your making love. Did you read that correctly? "Love making" not sex making, or fulfilling your partners needs and not yours; I said "love making". That takes two. You just can't do it alone. Well, you can,.....but there is something missing in that experience isn't there? YES, it's the other person!

So ladies, if you are faking it here and there, let me assure you that you are only digging yourself into more trouble. For one thing, start telling yourself that you deserve to be pleasured as much as he does, and expect it! There is nothing a man loves more than to know that he is pleasuring his mate (it's an ego thing). Men, if you are having issues and find yourself faking it, you need to express to your mate the reasons it is happening. Either partner deciding that it is ever ok to fake an orgasm, is ultimately making a choice about how intimate their relationship is and will become in the future. So, if you've been in a relationship for 1 year or 50 years, it is NEVER to early, or late to start having a true intimate life together.


Have an intimate day!

Jennifer

Date Night: A must have in a marriage!

I was thrilled when I met my husband, but was not thrilled about having a long distance relationship. Our dating regimen was a nightly phone conversation that didn't even happen until all our children were in bed. When we did see each other in person, our children also accompanied us making it difficult to have "alone time". This bonding routine ultimately did allow us to connect on a more intimate verbal level however, I vowed that once we were married we WERE going to have a "date night" once a week to make up for our non-traditional dating. He agreed willingly and we have never missed a "date night" since.

I cannot stress enough the importance of a couple, whether married 1 year or 50, to have that "alone time" with each other. Date night should be a commitment where nothing is more important that disrupts a partners quality time together. Once a regular date night is established, over a short period of time each individual desires that time with their spouse in turn making this event sacred in a marriage!

What are some of the best "date nights" you have had with your partner?

Have an intimate day!

Jennifer

Privacy and Kids: How Much Should a Parent Give Them?

I am at a stage in my life right now, where I need to be concerned about the rights of privacy I give my children. So far, limits and rules are being abided by, so I can't complain. With all the Internet predators, and texting games, I do wonder if I should be poking around a bit more.
I have no question that parents should be extremely concerned about the social activities of their child, and I do promote strict "snooping" and parental controls. However, looking at your child's/teens life and activities as a whole is important. Ask yourself the questions.......Do I know who my kid is hanging out with? Do I know these friends personally, or are they just "names" my kid throws out when I ask them? Do they have unlimited Internet and cell phone texting privileges? Any significant changes in their behavior, i.e., to outgoing, more withdrawn? How are their grades in school? Most importantly, how is your communication process with your kids? If your child is comfortable being open and honest, then your off to a great start. If there are some difficulties in this area of your life, I recommend you start looking into opening up with your kids. Read specific books on this subject if you have to, go to a counselor,....whatever you need to do to have a more open relationship with your kids, DO IT!

Have an intimate day!
Jennifer

The Truth and Nothing But The Truth???????

I have recently "acquired" 2 teenage children in my second marriage. Since my biological children don't pass double digits in age, I have certainly gone through a culture shock of epic proportions. As I take the baby steps with my new teens, my husband on the other hand is quiet used to them. We agree in our upbringing ideals, that being truthful is a priority, but how truthful should we as parents be when it comes to telling our teens about our past? Do we admit all the "experimental dabbles", or is it time to bury those events into the black hole of did & did not, and the have & have not of our subliminal minds?

Any experienced parents out there with opinions on this one?

Have an intimate day!

Jennifer